WE ARE THE OUTSIDERS

We are the outsiders
We are the survivors of mental abuse and domestic violence 
Others behave much superior to us because we are the youngest of our families and have vaginas 
They laugh at us and have the arrogance to teach us how life works.

They have to realise that we are much stronger and intelligent than they think. They cannot destroy our personalities because we have a secret inside that is much more valuable than their hate and aggression and positivity wins over negativity. 

We won´t support the authoritarian, patriarchal structure
Because since childhood, we have experienced the difficulties 
Humiliations and beatings with belts, the silence before the punishment and then the explosion of violence on our fragile body and soul.

The time has come when we won´t have any fear anymore 
Because we know now that actually you have a very weak personality that only grows stronger if we are afraid of your appearance.   

I am a witness of the beatings of my mother and as a child I thought it is normal that women get beaten, labelled as whores and that men have the control over women. A long time ago my mother has lost almost all of her teeth because of the brutality of a man that is my father. I was myself controlled, terrorised and beaten by my elder brother.

As he came out of prison he once came to me to apologise for his maltreatment and all the pain he caused to me. While he was apologising he cried and for me it seemed that he has changed during his penalty.
To me, It was plausible because he was five years in prison and from them one year in solitary confinement and he had a lot of time to think and reflect his own life and habits.

But now it happens again! The mental and verbal abuses continue…
Do you have forgotten that I was there for you when you was in prison?
At a time when your so called friends have forgotten you? Every time I thought of you and I did everything so that you can survive in this living hell. I was the only person that tried to get you out of the solitary confinement. And now you have got the idea to come to my place any time you want and behave disrespectfully?

I am a grown woman but I cannot be who I am
In fact, I was never allowed to be alive in this world! 
What is wrong with you? Why are you not allowing me to feel good in my body? Every time you want me to behave like a slave.

Our body speaks even if we are silent
They have planted in our bellies so much pain that we can´t move anymore. There is a landscape full of wounds inside of us. We are domesticated wild animals.

I know that I am not the only person with a miserable life.
I know that I am not the only person which wanted to kill herself when she was a child. I know that I am not the only person thinking it would have been better to run away when she had a chance to escape.